On this day, 2 years ago, Kosuke, the kids and I were watching the film, Bohemian Rhapsody. It was to be our last family activity, although I didn’t know that at the time. We had been singing Queen songs for weeks, and we loved the movie. Even Kosuke managed to rally his energy and really enjoyed the film. During the film I received a message from our dear friend Paola, soul sister of both Kosuke and Shafique, to say that Shafique had suddenly passed away in Spain while staying with his girlfriend Nadia. 

The news took a while to sink in. I didn’t tell Kosuke because he was so fragile. And I didn’t tell the kids because their Uncle Shafique had become a key support person in their lives. Up until he left for Spain just a couple of weeks before, Shafique had been visiting every week, bringing food and presents, telling the kids that he would always be there for them, that they could ask him anything. 

Shafique was one of Kosuke’s dearest and closest friends who was more like a brother to him. Normally he lived in London but was staying in Brisbane for a few months helping his brother and his brother’s family with some projects. Kosuke didn’t want his friends to worry about him so he had forbidden me from telling them. I knew we were getting close to the end and I was pretty sure Kosuke wasn’t going to make it despite his determination, so I finally persuaded him to let Shafique visit. 

The day Shafique arrived, he was sweating with nervousness. He said he didn’t know what to say to Kosuke and that he was terrified of death. I said, just be with him and be yourself and talk about the old days in Cairo. Once he was with Kosuke, he relaxed. Lizanne, another Cairo soul sister, came to spend the weekend with her two Cairo buddies. 

To my amazement, Kosuke talked about death with them (with me it was a banned topic - his choice not mine - and all focus was on his recovery). He showed them Anita Moorjani’s TED talk “Dying to be me”. After this, Shafique said he was not afraid of death anymore. He continued to visit every week and he and Kosuke covered many topics in their time together. 

Then Shafique said he needed to go back to London and Spain for a visit. He said he would be back on March 20th. “Wait for me brother!”, he said to Kosuke when they said goodbye. On February 28th, we got the news that he had died of a sudden and unexpected heart attack. 

Just two days later, Kosuke was hanging on by what seemed like just a thread. I could see the life force slipping in and out of his face as he hung on with sheer will. I was angry that he couldn’t accept that he was dying and let us say goodbye. Meg came to visit. She was so familiar with death having lost a number of really close people, including her husband. “Tell him about Shafique and it will help him to let go”, she said “I’ll go in with you.”

We went in. Meg sat at his feet and I sat by his bed. I told him. “Shafique” he said and turned his face to the wall. He stopped speaking after that and seemed relaxed and peaceful. I asked if I could bring the kids in. He hugged them and kissed them and told them how much he loved them. And then he surrendered to his dying process. 
It was an almost 40 year friendship. Little did these two men know when they met in their twenties, that they would help each other to accept death at the end of their lives. 

Thank you Shafique for all that you brought to our lives. In some ways you were a Peter Pan, you never married or had children, but you were everybody’s uncle - a wise and kind man with beautiful and pure values; the fun and naughty uncle that would bring stories, presents, laughter and reassurance. Our dear friend made Kayo a quilt. One piece of the quilt is the t-shirt that Kayo remembers she was wearing when she met you. My kids will always treasure you as their special uncle. 

Bohemian Rhapsody will always remind us of you. You continue to smile at us from your photo. You are a daily presence in our lives.